Icing on the Cake

I am currently trying to enter the Air Force. Unfortunately, this has been complicated by the weight Nazis at the M.E.P.S. center at Fort Snelling (really, they are just civilians who enjoy a power trip). By the way, M.E.P.S. stands for Military Entrance Processing Station. It was a real experience trying to pass the physical for the Air Force. First off, you have to get up at 0430 hours (a.k.a. 4:30 A.M.). Breakfast can be eaten, but if you are like me and a little tight on the weight, you dodn't get to eat breakfast or drink any water. Then, you are hearded onto a school bus. By the way, I am still unable to fit perpendicualarly into the seats, my legs are too long. So...I had to squish myself into a seat made for a twelve-year-old and then proceed to listen to the blatant immaturity of 30+ 18-year-olds. It was fun! (make sure you hear the sarcasm in my voice) Then, you line up and walk quickly everywhere you go. You are forced to listen to unfortunate men who swear because their vocabulary is not big enough to sustain any intelligent adjectives. Anyway, you finally enter the medical area, where you are made to wait for 1/2 hour before anyone addresses you. Then, you get to go to different stations to complete each part of the physical. Through this process, I have learned that I have no depth perception, perhaps an explanation as to why I was so bad at hand-eye coordination activities, meaning... almost all sports. In addition, you get to (mind the operative...get to...) pee in a cup in front of another girl. I guess I should be thankful that it was not a man. Then you get to do the underwear olympics, which is a series of excercises that seem utterly pointless in front of a little doctor man who is no larger than Danny DeVito, though not quite as rotund...yes, it really is humiliating, no matter who tells you any different. Anyway, I made it through all of that just to learn that I didn't pass because there was a 4 lb. discrepancy between my scale and their scale. Oh, I also forget to tell you that I had to wait almost two (yes that is right, count them, TWO) hours for the other girl to pee before we could do the last part of our physical because you perform it as a group. That was THE icing on the cake.